I was in the backyard of my mom's house, the way it was when I was very young. I'm not quite sure what I was trying to do but I was digging or gardening in the southeast corner of it, and having the worst luck. the reason for this was that there was a bleeding, dying fawn in the corner, barely newborn. I kept trying to blank it out. someone pointed it out to me in a not-to-be denied way, and we decided to help it. we tried to get it in a sack to take it to the vet without hurting it further, but we probably did. it left a wet, slimy, bloody spot on the ground. my friend hoisted the sack over her shoulder.

then I was at a loading dock. I was talking to three people from a rival crime organization. they looked very violent and competent. vieled threats were exchanged, and then three others showed up, from a third organization. I noticed, while we were talking, blood from the fawn on the docks. we started discussing things, when suddenly they did something some strange movement like lifting their suits over their heads. and then the all three had special agent cops riding on their shoulders!

my vision switched for a little bit, to see the world through their eyes. everything looked like it was through a grainy orange filter. anyhow the cops were there to investigate some sort of killing that had gone on and didn't want to worry about the normal organized crimes, but this weird killing. while they were talking one of them noticed the blood and questioned it. I don't really remember my reply but basically they thought it was related. and it wasn't.

I was in Oxnard in my old neighbourhood. we were standing outside on 9th street, which looked the same except the house to the south of it had a couple of low cinderblock... possibly planters? in it. they were maybe 3 cinderblocks high. we had a large handgun and weren't sure what to do with it. it was early evening.

as we were hanging out and talking, this group of almost cartoonish people came, they were short, and wearing white, and were stealing from the houses. I think they were trying to steal weapons. they got to where we were and were running in some chaotic pattern, not quite in circles. some of them were lugging weapons almost as if they were too heavy to carry.

most of my friends ducked behind my SUV but I was offended these people were disrupting and stealing and I shouted at them, and started to chase one of them. we started running around on Ninth between the two houses, I was chasing this guy who was carrying a handgun the looked way too heavy, and a couple of my friends were chasing others. as we ran in a circle, I grabbed the handgun we'd been talking about, to see if it would do any good. it was heavy! I could barely carry it, let alone point and aim. then, another one of the guys in white showed up, and he had a semi-automatic thing. we all saw that and scattered, certain he would use it, especially becuase I was holding a gun too.

I found myself laying on my right hand side behind one of the low cinderblock thingies. and - it was not as tall as I was wide. but I thought I was under enough cover that he wouldn't hit me. then he opened up and fired in a broad circle. I heard the bullet impacts coming closer, and then they hit me. hip, side, shoulder, and then one grazed my neck, opening up my jugular. shit, I'm gonna die, I thought. the feeling of being hit by a bullet was incredible. like pow, this incredible force entering my body, which was thumped with each one.

at first I thought I would bleed todeath becuase it was my carotid, then I remembered it takes a while to bleed to death from ones jugular, if one presses above the opening, so I did. sirens were wailing in the background, and people were clearing out. in my head a little voice echoed a conversation I've had in the past: guns don't kill people, bullets do. the guns just make them go REALLY FAST. I wondered if I would make it, as I was starting to black out.

then I woke up.

I dreamed a lot of sex, death, and a haunted castle. I was dying... I woke up. can't remember much more. I went back to sleep...

and I was outside under a clear hard blue sky. I was surrounded by a flat expanse of concrete... almost like flagstones, broken here and there with juniper bushes. there was a building off to the right...I got the impression it was a tall building, but only one storey was visible, like this expanse was up a hill from the foot od the building. the walls of the building made a broad L.

I was with several other people, and we had a big blue ball. we were playing with it... throwing it back and forth, bouncing it off the conrete ground and walls of the building. I threw it so as to go far away across the concrete... and it bounced. I ran over there, and I came to a point where I could go no further. it was like, the world stopped, but the vision of it continuing was still there.

the others were amused by my discomfiture and told me I shouldn't let that stop our game. one of them ran past where it stopped and I tried to throw the ball to him. I couldn't. it was the weirdest thing. I noticed he didn't go very far beyond where I was stopped, though